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ah for those upSandoWns

This week we’re focussing on plot. (As well as keeping everything else in mind, like character and well, just writing, writing, writing, getting that story down…) I’m learning to plot then write then re-plot. Which sounds easy enough, but omg sometimes I just enjoy writing for the sake of writing and then well, I ask myself ‘where did that come from?’

So now, try putting that somewhere in the plot. I find myself looking at a huge muddly question mark much like when I look down from the bridge at the criss crossing of rails as they enter and leave Basel railway station. I know that all those rails and wires lead somewhere and (hopefully) make sense to someone out there who’s in control but who and how?

anyway, that’s how I felt yesterday (again) and then I fall into a low, I question what I’m doing. Nagging thoughts that tear at my soul, what if this is all useless? What if I’m kidding myself? Can I really do this? And anyway, what’s the point? Why? not. just. find. a. job. and. earn. some. money. Rather than follow this dream..

And then I came across a post in FB and isn’t it funny how sometimes things just happen at the right time? I felt like he was talking to me, [well, sort of parts of it anyway]:

‘I’ll always always work.. and the fact that I’m not the best is not a reason to to give up and that’s true of so much of life, just because you can’t win doesn’t mean you stop working.’
[transcribed from: The Jeremy Vine 28 October 2015]

and I’m thinking, ‘yeah, you know what? Yeah.’

so, here I am after an early night (well, relatively early, in fact it wasn’t early at all in the end – there’s so much to READ and series to WATCH and internet shopping to BUY but at least it was a good night) I did actually wake up this morning feeling full of life and positive about myself and my writing and, actually thinking about it, it could have been a script in a film or a scene in a story when everything seems to underline the mood of the character: I spent the afternoon writing outside in weather that was worthy of summer, down by the Rhine in this beautiful city [yeah, yeah, I know, but let me enjoy it while it lasts]..

somehow the plot and the characters didn’t feel so threatening anymore and going over what I’d written helped me to review what I’d written and guide me into new directions so that in the end even if it’s not a masterpiece it doesn’t have to be cause it all flowed. And that’s what counts. [well, and making it into a masterpiece but I’m guessing that will take a wee while longer 😉 ]

And now to convince my little girl that she can do that cartwheel, she can. The best cartwheel ever.

Thanks for your comments!

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